Datenshi no Namida/Lucifer's Tears TakaWiki page.

HISTORY

| Paris, early 20th century |

Lilith (née Doret, but later ceases to use this surname) was, in theory, born into a family of three. A family consisting of her mother, Justine who was formerly a star-tracked ballerina with the Paris Opera Ballet, of her twin brother, Jean-Paul and of herself. In reality, however, her mother – perhaps due to a postpartum depression (this is never specifically stated in canon, where it is only said that Justine couldn't love them, because she had to give up dancing in order to give birth to them) – ended up dissociating herself from her two children to such a degree that for a majority of the time, they were left entirely to themselves. As such, Jean-Paul and Lilith developed a close bond, further strengthened by their shared love for ballet. They both exhibited great talent in the art form that Lilith pursued mainly in an attempt to gain recognition and love from her mother, Jean-Paul choreographing pieces for his sister and himself to dance. Soon they reached public acclaim, with Lilith's dancing described as that of an angel's and the Paris Opera management arranged for her to star in Jean-Paul's main work, the "Pas de Deux of Light". Nevertheless, when this news reached Justine's ears, she was enraged. She couldn't bear the thought of her daughter, who had stripped her of her chance of becoming a star, taking the stage as a star herself. And perhaps as an even greater dancer than Justine had ever been. In a fit of temper, she forbade Lilith to perform the piece, but when Lilith begged and clung to her, she struck out and hit the girl across the face with her fan, accidentally impairing her eyesight. Lilith stayed in hospital for months, but there was nothing the doctors could do and gradually she turned completely blind. At that point, having lost everything now that she couldn't dance anymore and feeling that she was only a burden to the people she loved the most, Lilith ran away from hospital and left Paris behind, adopting the life of a prostitute – her only way of sustaining herself. In this rootless existence, she fell into a deep depression in which she cursed God for ever having been born and for being unloved and unlovable by everyone. Eventually her psychological pain grew so immense that she found herself returning to Paris, hoping to meet Jean-Paul again, but unable to take contact to him herself... When the pain at her separation from everything most dear to her finally grew unbearable, she tried committing suicide by cutting her wrists, but failed – either unable or deep down unwilling to go through with what she knew to be a great sin. Drained from her blood loss and sick from late stage pneumonia, Lilith collapsed in front of a nearby church where the nuns took her in and cared for her during what would prove to be the last days of her life.

During these days, she would come to meet Lucifer, the Fallen Angel - or the Angel of Light as Lilith would later call him - who was also in that same church at that same time. Perhaps by chance. Perhaps by greater design. Through her dialogue with him, she would come to touch upon her pain at being trapped in the darkness just like he was, in the utter despair of being human which he couldn't understand, only observe. A despair that would later, after she had stayed with the nuns for some time, turn into gratitude for the happiness she'd also been allowed to experience in her life. When Lucifer asked why God sends the humans so much suffering, Lilith's answer was: God, I accept it all. Both the good and the bad. The joy and the pain. Later, on her deathbed, Lilith at last found the courage to call for Jean-Paul, thus being reunited with both the people she called family when also her mother came to see her, upon her request. Unable to think of anything to say, however, that wouldn't be an empty apology, Justine was faced by Jean-Paul – but remembering her happiness at dancing and finally hearing her mother speak of regret in regards to how she'd treated her children, Lilith spent her last breath whispering her forgiveness of their mother in Jean-Paul's ear. Closing her eyes, she passed away peacefully. Surrounded by the people who mattered to her the most.



PERSONALITY

At the core of Lilith’s character is hope. The hope that her mother will one day love her. The hope that God can love her. The hope to be reunited with Jean-Paul who does love her. Inherent to her, perhaps due to being born directly into a broken parental relation, is therefore the need to hope. To cling to every last shred of it. Because she doesn’t have anything else and without even hope, she would have nothing at all.

In continuation of her strong need to hope, Lilith also – throughout the course of her implicit and explicit storylines – develops what one might be tempted to call blind faith. After being blinded by her mother and escaping Paris, she falls into despair, feeling certain that the harshness of her fate must be an expression of God’s broken relationship to her, his incapability and unwillingness to care about a woman like herself. Carrying a demon’s name and now walking the streets to sustain herself. Later, as her anguish deepens and almost causes her to take her life, she seeks out the church in a final attempt at righting her relationship to God. Amongst the nuns, she meets no judgement and in the Bible, she rediscovers the notion of hope that has always been so important to her, ever since she was little and hoping her mother would take notice. It changes her outlook dramatically, so that she goes from asking Lucifer at their first meeting, “Which one is worse you think, to keep on living loved by no one or to fall into Hell?” to later echoing the words of Matthew, “God, I accept it all” and lastly uttering on her deathbed, “I have to be thankful for being born... Even the painful parts, everything that happened... I was happy... dancing, with you...” Facing death, she can finally and somewhat ironically begin appreciating the gifts that she has also received in life, her belief in a loving and caring God restored.

The circumstances that robbed her of this belief also, simultaneously, caused her to fall into a deep depression, so deep that she became suicidal and attempted suicide by cutting her wrists. Although it isn’t directly stated in canon that she is depressive, Lilith exhibits all the classic signs of depression. She left the hospital in Paris because she felt like a burden to her loved ones, like she didn’t bring them anything but grief and trouble. She feels unloved and, more importantly, unlovable by anyone. Life, to her, is not worth living, stripped as it is of hope and light and happiness. A classic, depressive pattern of thought.

As a person, however, Lilith possesses the ability to display an indefinite amount of love and forgiveness. Despite their mother’s treatment of Jean-Paul and herself, she continues to strive for her attention throughout her childhood, pursuing ballet also in an attempt to build a foundation on which to strengthen their relationship. Ballet is likewise what binds her to Jean-Paul, to whom she’s very close and only closer in lack of parental care. Something for which she, on her deathbed, forgives her mother completely, presenting no conditions and showing no reproach or bitterness. It is this same treatment of love and compassion that Lucifer receives when the two meet and Lilith gently guides him back towards God, towards the light that neither of them can see.

The light that Lilith first discovered through her dancing… A great part of her character revolves around her talent as a dancer. Ballet was the one refuge her twin brother and she had from the reality of their family life and Lilith delved into it, with great enthusiasm and with an even greater gift out in the art form. Her dancing was described as that of the angels in Heaven and Jean-Paul tells Lucifer that it cast a pure, warm light – a light Lilith herself refers to when speaking of it, saying that she felt God’s light shining on her when she danced. Considering this, considering that Lilith knew of hope in the shape of God’s grace and of love in the shape of her brother before her mother blinded her, it is no wonder that she fell into a depression after leaving Paris. She may not have had everything that she could wish for – one vital part obviously missing, but she had Jean-Paul and she had the light and her dancing. The only things that made her happy. And she lost it. She lost it all.

As such, Lilith can be summarised in a whole string of words: Hope. Love. Faith. Forgiveness. Light. Dancing. When it comes down to it, she is quite simply a character who has known the pain of loss, but who also comes to learn about the fulfilment of retrieval. Even if she experiences it only for a brief moment, at least it is the last thing she feels before dying.

They emerge from the wings together, side by side – as sister and brother, as partners, as Odette and Siegfried, the audience erupting much like a volcano into a roar of appreciation. Roses fly through the air, landing before Lilith’s feet as she takes her bows. It’s the opening night of Paris Opera Ballet’s first ever production of Swan Lake and the Doret twins, now in their mid-twenties, have accepted the leads with great gratitude. Lilith’s knee is aching where it is pressed against the wooden boards of the stage and she can feel Jean-Paul’s hand shaking from an identical exhaustion where he is gripping hers tightly. Holding on to her and never letting go, the way she knows him best. From rehearsals, from their own pas de deuxs, from home… Her beloved Jean-Paul. They have really fought hard to bring Swan Lake to life, given these roles their all, Lilith especially. When she thinks about Mother… How Mother toured as Odette in Russia, receiving such high praise that it reached even the ear of the French public… All of that, Lilith took away from her by being born, by tearing her way out into the world and tearing Mother apart from within… But tonight, she has made up for it, she must have made up for it by far – for she has danced Odette like no one ever did before. She has honoured Mother’s artistry and doubled it with her own, giving back to the world everything she stole at birth. Surely… Surely it must be enough.

While she rises from the floor, Jean-Paul presents her to the rows upon rows of people before them and she receives another round of standing applause, both their names shouted repeatedly, like chanting in the church. They are the stars in the night sky today. They are like gods of dancing. They are everything Mother should have been, but only had the chance to be all too briefly. Lilith thinks as they retreat backstage, waiting for the curtain call to reach its grand finale – and the thought is a genuine one:

My name, Mother. It is only yours in disguise.

She is graduating in little over a week. At an age of 17 and on the very tip of her toes, Lilith will exit the Paris Opera School of Ballet – performing the Russian Dance from Swan Lake at this year's highly advertised graduation performance, with Jean-Paul for partner. Jean-Paul who is graduating with her, both of their prospects within the Company excellent, her talents as a dancer and his talents as a choreographer already widely acknowledged. The Doret Gene, people say and look to Mother who smiles, but looks the other way even so. Justine Leblanc now, her days as a part of the Doret family long gone.

They’re still rehearsing, though. She shouldn’t get ahead of herself like this. It is what makes Madame Laurent shake her head at her, stepping in between Lilith and Jean-Paul like a wall of steel – always so stern, is Madame Laurent… “You need to tell a story with your dancing, Lilith,” she says, “the Russian Dance is about passion and strength, you must tell the story of a passionate and strong woman with every step you take.” Again, Lilith thinks of Mother. Mother when she was still dancing. She was a strong and passionate woman back then… and Lilith took all of that strength and passion away from her, by being born into this world.

Nodding obligingly, she returns to her initial position, holding one hand out for Jean-Paul to take. If she truly robbed Mother of all that, it must mean she is storing it still within her body somewhere. And if so, she will find it and present it on stage for all to see. For Mother to see. So as to hand it back to that important person, the person to whom it rightly belongs. It is a thought which brings her a feeling of purpose. Going en pointe with her usual ease, she smiles.

“I have a woman in mind, Madame Laurent.”

Lilith is ten years old and for Christmas, Duke Leblanc has given her a ballerina doll, complete with tutu and little pointe shoes on its feet. Lilith loves it. With all her heart, she loves it dearly. On Boxing Day, while Jean-Paul is away – rehearsing for a special New Year’s appearance with the other boys from the ballet school, she sits down in her room and lets the doll dance. Odette from Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake, like Mother danced the part years ago. Before Jean-Paul and Lilith destroyed her life. There are days, like today, when Lilith regrets ever being born, if only because her birth robbed the world of its most beautiful etoile. A star who shone brightly in the darkness. Because Lilith has read the reviews, has seen all of Mother’s praise on paper. The most enchanting Odette yet and the most seductive Odile. Gentler than a morning drizzle, yet stronger than a typhoon. Truly, a God’s gift… to ballet. Lilith leads the doll through the motions, lets it bend to the floor, touching its cloth hands to its silk feet in the position of the dying swan. One day, she hopes, she will be allowed to dance Swan Lake, too. In the role of Odette. And at that time, she will dance it so beautifully and so brightly that she’ll finally be repaying what she took away, by robbing Mother of her art form. By robbing Mother of her everything. Therefore Lilith’s everything, as well.